There is a coffee shop and internet café we enjoy visiting while vacationing in Florida. It is the cutest little shop. A long glass case begins at the front door with baked goods from scones to cheesecake and ends with several varieties of ice cream. Around the corner is a seating area with a red velvet couch and matching chairs. Nearby on a free-standing coat rack hang hats and feather boas for you to wear while you have coffee and scones and chat with your best girlfriends. The name of the shop is, “Miss Lucille’s Gossip Parlor.” I even bought a baseball cap there on our last trip that says, “Gossip responsibly.”
I enjoy this saying very much. It really says to me to think about what I am saying. How can one gossip responsibly? By not gossiping at all! I know we certainly understand gossip to mean slanderous speech behind someone else’s back or sharing someone else’s private information with a third party. But what exactly does God say gossip is?
I wanted to be fully sure that I really understood God’s full definition of gossip. I began my search on the internet. I thought certainly some Christian has done the work for me already. I’ll just look it up. Can you guess how many websites came up for “gossip”? Well over six million! Do you know how many dealt with the definition or biblical view of gossip? Neither do I – I don’t have time to research over six million websites. However, of the first three pages of listings only three sites dealt with the word gossip. All the rest were gossip columns; mostly of the celebrity kind.
I suddenly realized just how deeply entrenched our society is in gossip. We have the E-News (Entertainment News) channel, which is dedicated to celebrity bios and gossip – Oh, I’m sorry, news. What about the evening television shows that come on after the local news? I guess we could say we are a nation of gossip-mongers. People love to hear the dirt and love even more being able to be the first one to share it with someone else. Isn’t that a big reason we love reality television so much? I hear people speaking (gossiping) about the real people on these shows expressing how much they hate them or what losers they are, etc. Did you ever think of it that way?
One of the three sites (www.thefreedictionary.com) that covered the word gossip defines gossip as follows:
“1. Rumor or talk of a personal, sensational, or intimate nature.
2. A person who habitually spreads intimate or private rumors or facts.
3. Trivial, chatty talk or writing.
Synonyms: blab and tattle. These verbs mean to engage in or communicate idle, indiscreet talk: gossiping about the neighbors; can’t keep a secret he always blabs; is disliked for tattling on mischief-makers.” Webster’s simply states: “One who runs from house to house, tattling and telling news; an idle tattler.” Biblical variations of the word include talebearer/busybody, slander, and evil whispering.
Leviticus 19:16 is the first Old Testament occurrence of this word. It is in the form of talebearer: “Thou shalt not go up and down as a talebearer among thy people; neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbor: I am Jehovah.” We can deduce from this verse that a talebearer is someone who likes to spread information. Gossip is not just gossip when it is cruel or false information. It also includes sharing benign information that isn’t our business to share.
Motivation might be a key to finding out if one is a talebearer. Ask this question of yourself, “Do I love to be the first one to tell what happened?” This may be a sign that you need to be careful before you share information; ask if it is your information to share or if you have permission to share it.
We take this very seriously in our Bible study groups. We agree that it is a safe place to share our hearts. We agree together that whatever is shared in Bible study stays in Bible study. If we went away and gossiped, soon no one would be willing to share their hearts for fear that “the whole world would know.”
Talebearer and busybody are both used, it seems, in the same way. A busybody just wants to be in the middle of everything whether it is their business or not. Sometimes they even think they are helping. Other times, not so much.
There is an excellent example of this in Esther Chapter 3. Mordecai, Esther’s uncle, refused to bow down to Haman. Mordecai’s colleagues encouraged him to bow down; they could not believe his brashness. Why would he refuse? Mordecai told them he was a Jew and would bow to no one but God. When the coworkers could not coerce Mordecai to bow before Haman, they ran and told Haman. Why? They wanted to see if Mordecai would remain committed to his cause when faced with severe punishment. Did they do it out of curiosity? Or did they do it out of needing to prove themselves right or simply to force Mordecai to do what they wanted him to do? Or simply, did they do it because they could not stand to mind their own business; hence the word busybody.
Evil Whispering is well explained in Psalm 41:7, “All that hate me whisper together against me; against me do they devise my hurt.” When two people discuss their similar dislike of another person it may fall into the category of “evil whispering.”
Romans 1:32 includes “evil whispering” in a list of which God says through Paul, “. . . they that practice such things are worthy of death.” It goes on to say that even those who consent of the behavior are worthy of death. Again, Proverbs 26:22, “The words of a whisperer are as dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts,” suggests an eagerness and willingness on the part of the hearer, too. Romans 1:32 tells us that it is no better for the speaker than it is for the hearer of such things. Do you think God takes what we say seriously?
Slander bears the idea of speaking lies about another person. This includes the “bending” of the truth to benefit oneself. Remember in the Book of Esther how Haman spoke to King Ahaseurus about a people who did not obey the laws of the king? He was speaking of the Jews, because he hated and wanted to annihilate the Jews. He wanted to poison the king’s mind about them by saying whatever he had to in order to make that happen – true or not!
I hope this article has helped you somewhat in your understanding of what gossip is. There are many scriptures that deal with it. I think a good way to determine if I am gossiping is to ask myself whether or not what I am sharing is 1) my business to share; 2) will someone possibly be hurt or embarrassed by my sharing this information; and 3) what is motivating me to share? Am I angry at someone and wanting a third party to validate my feelings or be on my side? Do I want someone else to be angry at this person with me? Am I just afraid to confront the person directly?
Why do you think God takes how we speak so seriously? I think, at least in part, that we quickly cause divisions when we gossip in any sense of the word. We cause division when we are walking in our sin nature. When we walk in the Spirit our minds and actions are focused on relationship. Proverbs 17:9 says, “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that harpeth on a matter separateth chief friends.”
I love something my mother-in-law said one time. “We speak of you, but we don’t talk about you.” I thought it was such an excellent way of articulating the difference between the two. Next time you are chatting it up with your girlfriends, take care to ask yourself, “Are we speaking of or talking about others.” Hopefully, you will find yourselves speaking of and smile at a job well done.
Remember the wisdom from my baseball cap, “Gossip responsibly,” which we have determined to mean, not at all. If you have been convicted of gossiping while reading this article, please take a moment now, just to apologize to the Lord and ask for His forgiveness. Commit not to do it anymore and ask Him to help you with this. He desires to help you succeed. If you find yourself in the habit again, repeat the steps until you have victory. Confess and repent every time and soon you will catch it before it happens. Then, you will notice one day that you are no longer doing it at all – victory!